A few months ago Erin gave a talk in sacrament meeting that moved and inspired everyone who heard... With her humble consent, I felt impressed to share her talk months ago and finally I am just now getting to it! I hope you enjoy her realness, honesty, and willingness to share... I just love her so much!!! Thank you Erin...
July 23rd 2017,
When Brother Plotkin called and asked me to share with everyone today, I had no idea how deeply this topic would resonate with me or how personal it would be. After lots of prayer, studying the scriptures, and reading past teachings I've come away with a deeper understanding of myself and of my relationship with Heavenly Father.I tend to have strong opinions, feel I'm always right, and can be quite stubborn. All things I'm sure my husband greatly appreciates. These are not always bad qualities though as it allows me to stand my ground, express myself, and fight for what I believe in. They also come in handy when I'm barely awake and my children, who I'm positive have already passed the Law exam, are convinced that ice cream is an appropriate breakfast, when we all know ice cream is an after breakfast snack. At least for me. The downside is that it blocks my ability to have Faith in what Heavenly Father wants from me. How can I build a testimony when I'm already full of ideas, often times wrong ideas? This is a difficult thing for me to admit out loud but I'm sure my husband is enjoying hearing it and will likely use it as fuel during our next debate. A term I use loosely as we are known to spend long and intense conversations arguing about the difference between a ditch and a hole or the proper way to make a reuben sandwich.
President Gordon B. Hinkley said, "It is this element, weak and somewhat feeble at first, which moves every instigator in the direction of conversion. It pushes every convert toward security in the Faith." Heavenly Father told me that I wasn't meant to train pigs or learn to fly a helicopter, but what he did do was send Sister Kilgrow and Sister Malone to our door. He answered my prayers and allowed us to learn in a setting that was comfortable for both of us. He was building the foundation of my testimony through Faith in Him.
There came a point in the last 7 months where I was ready to walk away from everything. I was frustrated. I was negative. I was letting what I thought was injustice take me away from everything I had been building upon. I was losing Faith.
1 Corinthians 2:5 says "That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God." I was not obeying or listening to His power. I was allowing my mind to be clouded by my worldly views instead of holding onto the scriptures. I had received a testimony and I was ignoring it. All the things I loved and believed in seemed dark and dreary. I questioned if I was doing right by my children. I questioned if I was doing right by my personal views. I still had a firm grasp of why I started down this path but I wasn't sure if it really mattered. Then something funny happened. Heavenly Father sent Elder Hintz and Elder Coombs to our door. It was a wake up call really. He sent the Sisters to bring me to him the first round and now he sent the Elders to round me back up again when I was starting to wander. Their messages were relevant to my issues and divinely inspired. I didn't share with them why I wasn't attending Church, but they somehow knew regardless. It was a reminder that even when I didn't want to hear Heavenly Father, he was still there. Waiting for me. He brought me back to my original testimony and validated it.